Slower Traffic Keep Right

Having driven a few thousand miles over the holidays, I decided I'd like to present the following message to all the drivers of America:

If you are driving in the left lane on an interstate or other multi-lane highway, please check the following:

  • Are there cars right behind you, but no cars in front of you?
  • Are you driving well below the posted speed limit?
  • Are people passing you on your right side?
  • Have you been driving dead even with the car to your right?
  • Are you talking on the phone, eating, fixing your kids' hair, or engaging in any other activity that may distract you?
  • Is there no possibility that you will pass anyone, ever?

If you answer Yes to any of the above questions, then please get out of the left lane. You don't belong there.

And please, don't speed up when someone tries to pass you. Highway driving is not a NASCAR-sanctioned event, and you won't lose any Winston Cup points if you let somebody get in front of you.